Life is confusing. The last few weeks especially have been pretty full of ups and downs... New chances, new fights, new stuff.. Old stuff....

I had to write someone off the other day. I'd feel kind of bad but I just can't bring myself to work up that much regret over what I feel was the right thing for me to do. It was a friend who feels he took advantage of my generosity, and that of others, and decided to take it upon himself to "repay the favor" -- only this is someone without a sense of boundaries or tact.

It bothers me more that it's so close to the new year and I know that there is nothing to forgive. Forgiveness implies a mutual desire for reconciliation. He hasn't proven to me that he wants things to get better because his behavioral patterns have gotten worse, not better. But that's just me.

Meantime, something happened with someone else that gives me a little hope -- but I'm afraid to say anything because it's a very delicate balance and I do NOT want to jinx it. #^n_n^#;;;

I had some interviews a little while ago -- and got letters very recently that informed me they would not be hiring me. Or anyone else. New York State is now in a hiring freeze. But then a true friend told me about positions opening up at the college where she works. I've submitted resumes; their starting salary for a "grade 8" makes more than a starting "grade 17" does in the state system. AND there are benefits, tuition coverage, etc... So it's more of a commute. If I'm not in love, I can always turn them down.

But the new year is upon us. And I have done many things of which I am not proud -- and yet, there are many things I have done that bring me joy. There are many people in my life with whom I hope never to lose touch. Even if I do have the occasional falling out with some of them, sometimes. And for that, I ask forgiveness.

From all of you, I ask forgiveness; if there is anything I have done or said, or NOT done or said, that has hurt you, I ask forgiveness. And it is in return freely given.

All good things in the year to come.